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Have you heard of Bob Goff? He spoke at a conference I attended a few years ago and I was so inspired by the way he loves others, that I bought his book, Love Does.  When I discovered he had just released another book, Everybody Always, Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People, I snatched it up as quickly as I could.

I’m half-way through the book as I write this post and I cannot even begin to tell you how soul-nourishing it has been.

The chapter that I have enjoyed the most thus far is called, “Three Green Lights”. Goff shares that on one occasion after a speaking engagement, he landed his own plane at an airport, soon followed the landing of an F-16, flown by two Top Gun fighter pilots.

Goff struck up a conversation with them and discovered they had just been flying through the nearby valleys in California to sharpen their flying skills, reaction time and even their teamwork. Goff, on the other hand, had purposefully flown over the mountain tops because he wanted to be safe. The pilots “…flew through the valleys because they wanted to get better.”

Being ever mindful of the spiritual analogy, Goff makes a poignant parallel, “What I’ve come to learn so far about my faith is Jesus never asked anyone to play it safe. We were born to be brave. There’s a difference between playing it safe and being safe.”

Like Bob, I would totally be the one flying the plane above the mountain tops instead of through the valleys in an effort to be safe. Unfortunately, that often carries over into my walk with Jesus too. When is the last time I’ve intentionally flown through a valley to sharpen my skills?

Goff goes on to say, “A lot of people think playing it safe and waiting for all the answers before they move forward is the opposite of dangerous. I disagree. If our life and our identity are found in Jesus, I think we can redefine safe as staying close to Him.” I love the idea of redefining “safe,” because we too often define it in terms of excessive cautiousness or our own well being instead of taking a step of faith and remembering we are doing so with Jesus at our side. There is no better place to be than close to Him.

When it comes to relationships and loving people who are difficult to love, we might prefer to take the mountain top route, when in fact God might be asking us to go a little deeper into the valleys. It can feel riskier, but it sure can provide an opportunity for growth and dependence on God, don’t you think?

To further bring the point home, Goff elaborates, “People who are becoming love understand God guides us into uncomfortable places because He knows most of us are too afraid to seek them out ourselves.” I completely relate. I would choose comfort any day. My tendency is to gravitate toward friendly, likeable people. I see a warm smile and I gladly smile right back. I see a grimace or a frown and I look the other way and go about my day.

Thankfully, God is my Pilot (which I talked about a little in my post, Why I like Turbulence) and He guides me where He wants me to go. The challenge for me is to then actually do what He wants me to do…like loving unlovely people.

Another point Goff makes in this chapter is that we don’t always need to have all the answers before we move forward. He tells a story about when he was preparing to land his plane and only got two, instead of three, green lights for the landing gear. Two of the green lights indicated his rear landing gear was down, but the light for the front wheel was not lit up. After flying past the tower twice, they still couldn’t determine if his front wheel was down. Should he try to land the plane even though he didn’t know if he had his front landing gear down?

Goff likens his scary plane situation with situations we face in our own lives. We are expecting something to happen and it doesn’t. We want more clarity and we don’t get it. We wait for more information and it simply doesn’t materialize. We don’t have all the green lights we want. “It’s easy to forget that our faith, life, and experiences are all the green lights we need,” says Goff.

“Don’t ignore the green lights you already have. What delights you? What fires your imagination? What fills you with a deep sense of meaning and purpose? What draws you closer to God? What is going to last in your life and I the lives of others?” What great questions! If you are in a place of contemplating your future, wondering if you should do something you’ve been dreaming about, or just need a change, these questions might be helpful navigational tools.

Goff encourages readers to act quickly, regardless of the number of green lights you have. Opportunities don’t often last long. In his case, the fuel in his plane was not going to last long. He needed to land it, even if he had no landing gear down in the front of the plane.

He didn’t know if the wheels on the plane would work, but he did know God was with him. He brought the plane down slowly, lifting the nose as high as he could. The rear wheels touched first and then he felt a small bounce, telling him the front wheel was down! Phew! It had only been a light bulb issue, not a landing gear issue.

The moral of the story is, “Don’t let a nickel light bulb keep you from fulfilling your purpose. God isn’t surprised we want more confirmation. He just hopes we won’t get stuck waiting for it.”

As I think about my quest to be radiant, I’m asking myself, “is there something I’m waiting to do (that God wants me to do now) because I’m hoping for more green lights?” I’m also asking myself if there are any “valleys” I need to fly through.

Let’s go be radiant this week!

When I was growing up, there were times when my family and I had to choose a new carpet color or a car color or something along those lines. I remember my mom saying, “I just want a color that won’t show the dirt.” Now, from a practical standpoint, I understand that, although I have always wondered how you know where it needs to be cleaned.

I have a theory that how we think about everyday things (like choosing a color that won’t show the dirt), transfers over to how we think about spiritual things too. For example, one might tend to view God in a similar fashion to how she views her dad. So while we might tend to want to hide the visibility of dirt in our flooring, we shouldn’t necessarily be hiding it when it comes to our spiritual lives.

Over the years, I’ve had a couple of people say to me, “Suzie, you’re just too perfect.” I was completely astounded. “Have we met? Do you know me?” I am far from perfect. But in retrospect, I realized the reason they thought that is because I probably hadn’t been transparent enough with them. I hadn’t been vulnerable enough to show them the “dirt” in my life — the times I had made mistakes, sinned, let people down.

As I was studying this idea in Scripture, I couldn’t help but go to 1 John, which talks all about light. 1 John 1: 5-8 says, “God is light. In him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”

Verse 9, which is a great one to memorize, goes on to say, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

I appreciate the sharp contrast in this text between the light and the darkness. First of all, John is very emphatic that there is no darkness in God, at all. Clearly light and darkness do not co-exist in Him.

When we think of light, we see it as something that shines in the darkness, exposing it. Isn’t that what we want? If we have sin in our lives and we can’t see it, we need God, who is not “a light” or “the light,” but “light itself,” according to Barnes’ Notes on the Bible, to shine on it so we can identify it and He can cleanse us from it.

MacLaren notes that, “In all languages, light is the natural symbol for three things: knowledge, joy and purity.” What a powerful statement. In contrast, when we are in the dark or as the text says, “walking in the darkness,” we can’t see anything clearly. We are blinded by it.

In our Christian life, we don’t want to be surrounded by darkness, we want to be living in the light and growing in our relationship with God. “As all material life and growth depends on light, so all spiritual life and growth depends on God.” (Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary). I think one way that we can grow spiritually is to eliminate sin in our lives.

As I thought about these things, I felt motivated to want God to shine His light on any “dirt” so that it can be exposed and cleansed. I believe that will help not only in our relationship with God, but also in our relationship with others.

Brene Brown is one of today’s leading experts on the topic of vulnerability and she says, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.” I couldn’t agree more. The more vulnerable we are with others, the deeper the connection we can have with them. When we show the dirt, we actually allow ourselves to be relatable to others. It helps others identify with us and what we are going through. 

Something I learned in my last job is that I tend to underreport the negative or minimize how bad things really are. I’m not intentionally trying to be deceptive, it’s more that I generally tend to look at things optimistically and I have faith that I’ll get through whatever it is I’m experiencing. However, I know that it’s an area where I need to grow.

Sometimes, as Christians, we can kind of put on a face that everything is okay, when it’s really not. I think we need to get comfortable with the idea that it’s perfectly acceptable for things not to be okay sometimes. That’s where the honesty and vulnerability come in. But I believe there is safety in that, when God is the One shining His light on the situation.

So, the challenge for myself and us this week is to think about how we can “show the dirt” in our lives to trusted people around us and be a little more vulnerable as we depend on God, our Light.

 

 

 

Have you ever felt forgotten by God? Even if we are living in obedience to God and what He has called us to do, we might still feel forgotten. Think of Noah on the ark. We talked about him in my Dry Ground post. He spent a L O N G time on that ark. I wonder if during that time he ever felt forgotten by God.

Genesis 8:1 “But God remembered Noah…” I’ve recently noticed this repeated theme of God remembering. When he “destroyed the cities of the plain, he remembered Abraham and he brought Lot our of the catastrophe…” (Gen. 19:29). God “remembered his covenant with Abraham, with Isaac and with Jacob,” when he heard the groaning of His people. (Ex. 2:24). God remembered Rachel in her barrenness (Gen. 30:22). The list goes on.

To be honest, every time I read, “God remembered,” it kind of caused me to furrow my brow a bit. I had the feeling I wasn’t understanding it properly. There had to be a depth of meaning to the word “remembered” that I was missing. Why?  Because God is Omnipresent and Omniscient, so how could He ever unintentionally forget (as we do) anyone or anything?

After doing a little digging, I found a bit of helpful insight. Benson Commentary notes this about Exodus 2:24:  “And God remembered his covenant — which he seemed to have forgotten, but really is ever mindful of...Moses looked on them and pitied them but God looked on them and helped them…His eyes, which run to and fro throughout the earth, are now fixed on Israel, to show himself strong, to show himself a God on their behalf.”

The idea that God is “ever mindful” resonates better with me because it sounds more like the God I know. But that still doesn’t fully answer my question. Jamieson-Fausset-Brown Bible Commentary gave me some additional insight in reference to God remembering Noah. “God remembered Noah, i.e. he showed by his actions that he minded and cared for him,…God is said to remember his people, when after some delays or suspensions of his favour, he returns and shows kindness to them…”

It seems then, that it’s not that God “forgets” per se, it’s more that there is a delay or suspension (not a total cessation) of His favor for a time. I would imagine that it’s during that suspension period that people may feel forgotten, whether or not they’ve done something wrong.

In Noah’s case, he was in the midst of obeying God when he may have felt forgotten. In fact, MacLaren’s expositions asks, “And why did God ‘remember Noah’? It was not favouritism, arbitrary and immoral. Noah was bid to build the ark, because he was ‘righteous’ in a world of evil-doers; he was ‘remembered’ in the ark, because he had believed God’s warning, obeyed God’s command…”

In Rachel’s case, however, it seems that she might have had some things to learn during her “suspension” period before God “remembered” her. In Barnes’ Notes on the Bible, we read, “God remembered Rachel in the best time for her, after he had taught her the lessons of dependence and patience.” Those are two lessons I continue to learn.

Ellicott’s Commentary for English Readers goes so far as to say that, “Rachel’s long barrenness had probably humbled and disciplined her; and, cured of her former petulance, she trusts no longer to ‘love-apples,’ but looks to God for the great blessing of children.”

There are times in our lives when we long to have something (a husband, a baby, a house, an answer…) and it feels like our prayers and our longings are falling on deaf ears. It can feel like God has forgotten us. But has He? Never.

What if His delay in providing the desire of our heart or answering our question is to give us time to learn something (dependence, trust, humility…)?

What if His delay is to allow time for other things to come together so that when He provides or answers, it’s complete? I think of the seemingly long season when I waited for a husband. Perhaps I was ready but my future prince charming was not quite there yet and then, he was.

Regardless of the reason for a “suspension” of God’s favor, we have to know that He has not forgotten us. We are far too precious, as His children, to be forgotten. His mercy will return.

I love how Barnes Notes on the Bible talks about the idea of “remembered.” “Remembered – this means that God was moved by their prayers to give effect to the covenant, of which an essential condition was the faith and contrition involved in the act of supplication. The whole history of Israel is foreshadowed in these words: God heard, remembered, looked upon, and knew them. It evidently indicates the beginning of a crisis marked by a personal intervention of God.”

God hears us, is moved by our prayers and intervenes. How incredible is that?

So if you, or someone you know is feeling forgotten by God, know that He is ever mindful of us. We have to believe that in time, He will bestow His favor on us again and all will be as it should be.

So the next time you see, “and God remembered” in Scripture, I hope you remember this blog post.

Let’s go be radiant this week!

Over the airplane loud speaker comes a calm voice from the cockpit, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. We received word that there may be some bumpy air ahead.” Anxious flyers immediately think, “uh oh,” and grip their arm rest a little tighter. Then there are odd people like me who think excitedly, “let the adventure begin!”

Before you think I’m totally off my rocker, I will freely admit that I dislike some of the consequences of turbulence. For example, may years ago I was on an international flight and was absolutely starving. The flight crew had delayed serving us a meal because the turbulence was so strong. They finally managed to get down the aisle with our food but once I had it in front of me, I could barely get it on the fork much less in my mouth. It was like an invisible hand kept grabbing my arm and pulling it away from me the moment my fork got anywhere close to my mouth.

All of that to say that I do find that turbulence can be inconvenient, but I don’t find it to be scary. In fact, I will often giggle a little when the plane dips a bit causing my stomach to drop. It feels like a roller coaster to me. My husband always looks at me in total disbelief that I can be laughing during turbulence.

I guess I can be lighthearted about it because I don’t equate turbulence with crashing. Could that be mere ignorance you ask? Good question. I wondered that myself, so I looked it up and found an incredibly helpful article on a blog called, Patrick Smith’s Ask the Pilot, that I will quote throughout this post. Read it here. As it turns out, “…a plane cannot be flipped upside-down, thrown into a tailspin, or other wise flung from the sky by even the mightiest gust or air pocket.” In fact, the number of crashes from turbulence in all of aviation history can be counted on one hand.

Though turbulence can be annoying (spilling your coffee, luggage shifting, not being able to get up and go to the bathroom when you want…), “it is normal.” Turbulence is something passengers expect when flying on a plane but from a pilot’s perspective, it’s really more of a “convenience issue, not a safety issue.”

I can’t help but see a number of parallels between turbulence while flying and turbulence while living our lives.  One of those parallels is that turbulence is normal. As Christians, we know that we are bound to experience moments of turbulence in our lives. I’m not talking about life-threatening things, but things that are inconvenient, disruptive, annoying. James 1:2 tells us to “consider it pure joy” when we “face trials of many kinds.”

How then do we respond to turbulence in our Christian lives? Do we dread or fear it while we are in the midst of it? Or should we take a different perspective?

One of the main reasons I don’t mind turbulence on a plane is because I trust the pilot. I believe he is trained, equipped and qualified. If I liken that to my everyday life, in moments where I’m experiencing turbulence, do I trust God as my Pilot? Clearly there is no one better to fly than He, but am I willing to place my trust (my life) in Him when things get bumpy?

According to the article I mentioned above, sometimes pilots will change altitude for smoother conditions in the interest of comfort for their passengers. In my experience, God doesn’t tend to do that when I’m in the midst of turbulent times. I get the sense that He’s not as concerned about my comfort as He is my faith, trust and obedience–even if it feels like I’m plummeting.

While flying on a plane in the middle of turbulence, it can often feel like you are falling thousands of feet. However, in the cockpit, they only “see a twitch on the altimeter,” and you probably dropped a mere 10-20 feet. The pilots might very well say that the drop was almost undetectable on their instruments.

What an amazing illustration of our perspective verses God’s perspective! We might be going through some turbulence in our lives that feels so severe and yet it doesn’t actually reflect reality. Now that is in no way to diminish our feelings, but sometimes our feelings are dictated by what we think is happening instead of what is actually happening.

Did you know that “Planes are engineered to take a remarkable amount of punishment and that they can withstand an extreme amount of stress…?” Again, I find that to be such an appropriate parallel to our lives. We, too, can be resilient, withstanding an extreme amount of stress without falling apart. Why? Because the Lord is our strength. Isaiah 33:2 puts it well, “Lord, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.”

Not only can planes withstand an extreme amount of stress, they can also realign when shoved from their position in space. In fact, their nature is to return there. Isn’t that incredible? I feel like the same is true for us. 

Turbulence, or disruptive circumstances in our lives can cause us to feel like we’ve been pushed out of our comfort zone or our normal “flying” altitude, if you will. I recall a time when I was in a leadership position and trying to help a large group of people through a really big transition. Unfortunately, not everyone liked change or the way it was happening, and let’s just say things got really turbulent for me. That turbulence pushed me way out of my comfort zone as a leader. Eventually, after much prayer, difficult conversations and a lot of help from those around me, God got me realigned.

As I continue to experience moments of turbulence in my life, and as you do, my prayer for us is that we would remember the following:

• Turbulence is normal and to be expected
• We can, and should always trust our Pilot
• What we feel is happening may not represent reality
• God will help us realign

Let us go and be radiant, even in the midst of turbulence.

Do you have a pet peeve? Is there something that really drives you crazy? One of my pet peeves is constant noises. I really dislike it when an alarm keeps going off, or a phone rings and rings and rings, etc. So I find it ironic that repetition is precisely what God uses to get my attention when I read the Bible. It’s like He’s wired me to naturally see repeated words and themes in Scripture.

One repeated theme I saw recently, I found especially interesting and I’m excited to share it with you. It’s the idea of dry ground, and not the kind that symbolizes a spiritual desert, in fact it’s quite the opposite.

The first place I noticed the concept of dry ground was in Genesis chapters 7 and 8. After Noah, his family and all the animals are on the ark, it rained for 40 days and nights and the waters flooded the earth for 150 days. Then God sent a wind over the earth and the waters receded.

Noah then sent out a raven, and later a dove, to see if the waters had receded enough for them to disembark. When the dove didn’t return, he removed the covering from the ark and saw that the surface of the ground was dry. But when it was completely dry, God told Noah and his family to come out of the ark (Gen. 8:16).

After having been cooped up for so long on the ark with family (regardless of how much you love your family, that’s a considerable amount of time to be in such close proximity with them), I bet Noah and his family had never been so happy to step onto dry ground. If you’ve ever been on a boat for a length of time, you know that when you step onto land, you still kind of have your sea legs and it feels as though you are still moving.

The second place I noticed the idea of dry ground was in Exodus 14 when the Israelites were fleeing from Pharaoh. He had finally agreed to let them go and then changed his mind. When they turned around and saw him and the Egyptians coming after them, they were terrified.

I love how Moses encourages them in that moment. He says, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…the Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.” (Ex. 14:13-14).

Then the Lord tells Moses to raise his staff and stretch out his hand over the sea to divide the water so the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. The rescue is about to begin, but before it happens, verse 18 says, “The Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.” God was going to use this miraculous event not just to save the Israelites, but to show the Egyptians exactly who He is.

Then Moses stretched out his hand and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. I couldn’t help but notice that just as God sent a wind to make the waters recede for Noah, He sent a wind again to part the waters for the Israelites.

When the waters were divided, the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left. *Side note, there is an interesting video that shows archeological evidence of the chariots in the sea where the Israelites crossed. The video has a bit of a slow beginning and the quality isn’t top notch, but if you stick with it, the findings are pretty amazing. Click here to link to the video.

The third place I noticed the concept of dry ground was in the book of Jonah. God tells him to go to Nineveh and Jonah doesn’t want to. In his rebellious disobedience, he boards a ship to Tarshish (in the opposite direction).

Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea. A strong storm arose and threatened to break apart the ship. They cast lots to find out who is to blame and the lot falls on Jonah. The sailors ask him who he is and I love his response in Jonah 1:9, “I am a Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.”

They end up throwing Jonah overboard and the sea immediately grew calm. In verse 16 of chapter 1, we find out that as a result of this, the men on the boat greatly feared the Lord, and they offered a sacrifice to Him and made vows to Him. What an incredible outcome from Jonah’s disobedience! I’m always amazed at how God uses even someone’s disobedience to bring people to Him. This is the first place we see a salvation moment in Jonah.

The second place we see a salvation moment is when God provides a huge fish to swallow Jonah. He was in the belly of the fish for 3 days and 3 nights. I can’t even imagine what that must have been like other than smelly darkness. But while he’s there, he prays and we get a glimpse of the turmoil and trauma he’s experienced. “The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head.” (Jonah 2:5).

Not long after that, the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land. Again, God saves Jonah and I would wager he had never been so glad to touch dry ground.

Jonah then goes on to Nineveh and the people actually listen to what he says and they repent. As a result, God relents and doesn’t bring destruction on them (chapter 3). Salvation yet again.

As I think about the similarities between these three passages, I can’t help but notice the use of wind – to recede the waters (Noah), to push them back (Red Sea) and to create a storm (Jonah). He used something natural to do something supernatural.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I tend to dream about large bodies of water. Being a bit more of a thinker than a feeler at times, it’s God’s way of helping me identify my feelings.

Another similarity I see between these passages is that God always provides a way to be saved, and only one. There was one door to the ark, one path through the Red Sea and one big fish. In the new Testament, Jesus is that one way to be saved. It is such a good reminder that we have a God who saves! He rescues us!

As I thought about the impact of these passages, I couldn’t help but be encouraged. I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed by something lately and how I’ve tried to stay radiant is by praying for dry ground. Like Jonah, I worship the Lord of heaven who created the sea and dry land. I find such comfort in that and in knowing that He rescues His people.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately, may I suggest praying for dry ground?

I would love to hear your thoughts and comments about the idea of dry ground. Have you seen this concept in other areas of Scripture? If so, please comment below.

In the meantime, let’s go be radiant this week.

 

Are there times when you don’t look or feel radiant? I hope so. Really? Yes. Even though my blog is all about figuring out how to be radiant (to reflect God’s glory) in our everyday lives, we cannot and should not expect to be glowing every waking moment. We don’t want to put on a face and pretend everything is okay when it’s not.

I found an example of this in the Old Testament book of Nehemiah (one of my favorite books of the Bible). It starts off by explaining that a Jewish remnant has survived the exile but that they are in great trouble and danger. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down and it’s gates burned.

What is Nehemiah’s reaction to this news? He weeps, mourns, fasts and prays for days. Then, in Nehemiah 1:5-11, we become privy to one of those prayers. What strikes me about it is that he not only confesses his own sin and the sins of his family, he makes a corporate confession for the Israelites as well.

In just this short introduction, we already have a sense that Nehemiah is a God-fearing man who deeply cares for his people. We also quickly discover at the end of the first chapter that he is the cupbearer to the King, a position which will help him bring to fruition what God has laid on his heart to do.

Chapter 2 begins, “…I had not been sad in his presence so the King asked me, ‘why does your face look sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of heart.” (Neh. 2:1-2).

Due to the nature of Nehemiah’s job, it’s likely he saw the King quite frequently. The fact that the King had never seen Nehemiah looking sad before tells me that perhaps he usually looked joyful, or dare I say, even radiant? Considering his close relationship with God, that would make sense, right?

But today was different. Nehemiah’s face reflected the weight he felt for the danger his people were in. He couldn’t, no he wouldn’t, stand by and do nothing. He had the ear of the King and asked for permission to leave and go rebuild. What a powerful connection to have at a time like this. “And because the gracious hand of God was upon me, the King granted my requests.” (Neh. 2:8)

Though Nehemiah’s connection with the King was a powerful one, his connection with God was even more so and that’s who gets the credit here.

Nehemiah is about to embark on a monumental task and is wise enough to know he is going to need quite a crew of people to help him. And what a crew he gets! He finds everyone from the high priest and his fellow priests, to a perfume-maker, to women! The whole community comes together. As they begin the process of rebuilding, they are immediately ridiculed, but that doesn’t stop them.

They worked and worked and rebuilt the wall to half its height, “for the people worked with all their heart.” (Neh. 4:6.)  I love this verse. Seeing this hurting community come together and give it their all, despite ridicule and opposition is so incredibly inspiring.

Those who were in opposition to the rebuilding of the wall were “very angry” when they heard that the gaps in the wall were being closed. Why did that anger them so much? The fewer the gaps, the fewer the weaknesses. I can’t help but liken that to my own life. Where are the gaps in my life? Who do I need around me (perfume-makers perhaps? ;)) to help fill those gaps? I don’t want to have areas of weakness where the enemy could easily make his way in.

The enemies were plotting against the people of Judah and threatening them. “…’The strength of the laborers is giving out, and there is so much rubble that we cannot rebuild the wall.'” (Neh. 4:10). If ever there was a time to quit, now would have been the time.

Have you ever been in the process of rebuilding something and just wanted to quit? Maybe it was something tangible like a piece of furniture or maybe it was something more figurative like trust in a friendship. The rebuilding process, regardless of what you’re rebuilding, can take a lot out of you. And when you’re surrounded by the “rubble,” it makes it even harder to move forward.

How does Nehemiah encourage the people? He says, “…Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your families, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” (Neh. 4:14). Don’t be afraid of those who oppose you. Don’t focus on them, focus on the Lord. Remember how great and awesome He is. When you’ve done that, it’s time to fight because your family and your home is worth it. Do you feel strengthened by that? I do!

In light of impending threats and danger, Nehemiah strategizes the best way to keep working. His solution? (This is my favorite part of the story!) “…The officers posted themselves behind all the people of Judah who were building the wall. Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other, and each of the builders wore his sword at his side as he worked…” (Neh. 4:16-18)

Isn’t this such a perfect picture of how we should be living our lives today? Shouldn’t we all be doing the work God has called us to do with one hand and in the other be prepared to defend ourselves against the enemy? Shouldn’t we have our sword (Bible) at our side as we work? I know that we likely don’t encounter the same kind of opposition they did, but the enemy is real and if we’re doing what God wants us to be doing, he might very well try to intervene.

Nehemiah goes on, “Then I said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, ‘The work is extensive and spread out, and we are widely separated from each other along the wall. Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us!'” (Neh. 4:19-20).

As believers, we are all working together to help bring people to a saving knowledge of Jesus. However, our work is spread out across the world, isn’t it? It’s such a good reminder that just as Nehemiah told the people of Judah that their God would fight for them, He will fight for us too! If you’ve been serving God and facing severe opposition, remember Who will fight for you!

The rebuilders of the wall completed their task in just 52 days and there wasn’t a single gap left in it. Can you imagine? It only took 52 days! My husband I were talking about that and he said wistfully, “I wish I could build a house in 52 days.” I replied, “You could…if you had the right people around you — like a high priest and a perfume-maker…”

I love that there wasn’t a single gap left in the wall. The builders were thorough. They made sure their newly rebuilt wall was strong, solid and impenetrable.

I also love how the enemies responded. “When all our enemies heard about this, all the surrounding nations were afraid and lost their self-confidence, because they realized that this work had been done with the help of our God.” (Neh. 6:16). Even they acknowledged and recognized the hand of God in the rebuilding of the wall

Just like those faithful builders, all the work we do for God, is with God. Though they had their moments when they weren’t looking or feeling radiant, they continued to do what God called them to do. So as we continue on in that labor as well, may we find our strength in Him and may our faces reflect His glory.

“I hope Daddy doesn’t tear down my house while we’re gone,” my 3-year-old said to me on the way home from the library. He had used some connector pieces to build a little house right before we’d left. “Oh honey, Daddy wouldn’t tear down your house. He’s a builder. He builds houses,” I replied.

But then I got to thinking. Well, technically, Daddy does tear down houses (or parts of them) sometimes. In our line of work, we not only build new houses, we also flip, fix, renovate, and restore them.

I continued talking with my 3-year-old. “Whenever Daddy demolishes parts of houses, it’s so that he can rebuild them, to make them better, stronger, cleaner and more beautiful.”

As soon as I finished speaking, I felt like God was telling me that I had not only just described my husband and what he does, I had just described God and what He does.

I immediately thought back to my study of the book of Hebrews. In chapter 11, when exemplifying Abraham’s faith, verse 10 says, “For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.”

Originator. Creator. Maker. Designer. Builder.

Earlier in the book of Hebrews we read, “Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself. For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.” (Hebrews 3:3-4)

Have you ever taken a drive in a neighborhood of beautiful houses? If you’re like me, you focus on the exterior beauty of the house, the detail of the finishes, the overall form of it. You think, “wow, what a gorgeous house!”  But in reality, the house shouldn’t get the credit for looking the way it does. The builder should.

Hebrews 3 goes on to say that “…we are his house, if indeed we hold firmly to our confidence and the hope in which we glory,” (emphasis mine). We are God’s house and He might very well be in a process of demo-ing parts of us that need to be renovated or restored.

If you watch the popular TV show, Fixer Upper, with Chip and Joanna Gaines, you know Chip’s favorite day of the renovation is DEMO DAY! But when it comes to God doing some demo in my life…it’s definitely not my favorite day.

Every time I go to one of our houses in the midst of the demo phase, I’m continually astounded by the amount of debris, dirt and dust. I always wonder, “isn’t there a cleaner way to do demo?” Unfortunately, demolition is just messy. There is no way around it. When you break down, tear down and destroy, a mound of rubble is inevitable.

However, in the midst of the rubble, there is a vision and a hope of a restored house.

So how can we be radiant while God is doing  some demo work in our lives?

I wrestled with this question because demo-ing a house is one thing, but it’s a whole other thing when it comes to a person and that person is you. However, I think if we keep a few things in mind, we’ll be able to maintain some level of radiance as we go through it.

Our tendency might be to grumble and complain about it – to ask, “why?” But if we are thinking rightly about what God is really doing (keeping the end in mind), it will impact our attitude.

The first thing we need to remember and keep at the forefront of our minds in the midst of demo is that God is a Builder. And sometimes builders have to do dirty, dusty demo work before they can create a beautiful, finished product.

The second thing to remember is that God does not destroy or tear down for the malicious fun of it (like my 1-year-old). His purpose in chiseling away different areas of our life (usually sin areas or areas where we could grow) is to replace them with something new – to renew us. Think of King David in Psalm 51: 10, “Create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Think of John the Baptist when he said about Jesus, “He must become greater; I must become less.” (John 3:30)

The third thing to remember and give us hope in the midst of demo is that “…he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 1:6) He’s not one who starts a renovation project and allows it to sit there indefinitely. He is a faithful Finisher. 

So if you are in the middle of a “demo” time in your life, may you have hope that God is in the process of renewing you.

As we seek to be radiant this week, let us remember that Daddy is a Builder.

 

 

 

 

In our series on marriage and relationships, I believe I have saved the best for last. In the last installment of my interview with Alisa Grace, Consultant to Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships, she shares some sage advice for those who are struggling in their marriage, those who are looking for more emotional intimacy with their spouse and the one thing that has made the most difference in her own marriage.

Here is my question to Alisa: For women really struggling in their marriages right now, where should they start? What should they do?

As I read her reply, I was shocked at how long unhappy couples wait to get help.

Here is her reply:
1. Seek outside help. Unfortunately, most couples wait much too long to reach out for
help repairing their marriage. According to relationship and marriage expert Dr. John Gottman, couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help.
Think about that for a moment. Couples have six years to build up resentment before
they begin the important work of learning to resolve differences in effective ways.

Couples counseling can be beneficial for a number of reasons. Terry Gaspard, a licensed clinical social worker, offers these thoughts:

• If toxic relationship patterns can be identified early and agreed upon, the process
  of real change can begin.
• A motivated couple can begin to explore their problems from a new perspective
  and learn new ways to recognize and resolve conflicts as a result of the tools
  provided by the therapist.
• Partners can begin to build trust and improve communication that may have
  eroded the quality of their interactions.
• A couples counselor can provide “neutral territory” to help couples agree upon and work through tough issues with support.

2. Intentionally add more positive interactions with your husband. Research shows
happy couples practice the 5 to 1 Ratio – for every negative interaction with your
partner, add five positive ones. This helps create a full “love bank” of appreciation,
affection and acknowledgement that you can make a withdrawal from in times of a
negative interaction without bankrupting your relationship.  

3. Spend time together actively building your friendship. Do some of the same
activities you did when you were dating. Gottman says that friendship is the glue that
can hold a marriage together: “Couples who know each other intimately [and] are well
versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams are couples
who make it.” Text sweet messages to your husband. When he talks, really pay
attention and listen to him without giving advice or correction.

When you or he comes home from work, greet him at the door with a big smile, a hug and quick kiss, saying, “Hi! I’m so glad you’re home!” Even though you may not actually feel that way right now, research shows that our emotions tend to follow our behaviors. So if you behave more affectionate and loving, you’ll soon start to feel that way. You may even find that your husband begins to reciprocate after a while.

My husband and I try to always greet each other warmly when one of us arrives home. Even if we’ve had a crazy, stressful or otherwise frazzling kind of day, we want the other person to feel loved when they walk in the door. We also encourage our kids to be excited that Daddy or Mommy is home. It shows them that we value each other.

Knowing that couples don’t always feel very connected at an emotional level, I asked Alisa, How can couples try to deepen their emotional intimacy?

Here is her reply:
I would recommend reading, “His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof
Marriage,” by Dr. Willard Harley. In his book he identifies the 10 most vital emotional
needs of men and women and shows spouses how to meet those needs for each other.
This particular book has been transformational in my own marriage!

Here is my last question for Alisa:  What’s one thing that has made the most difference in your own marriage?

Here is her reply:
PRAYER! Prayer changes things; prayer changes me. One prayer can change anything; one prayer can change everything! And you just might be one prayer away from a different marriage.

Proverbs 14: 1 says, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own
hands tears it down.” My good friend, Erin Smalley, program manager of marriage
ministries at Focus on the Family, offered six great reasons of why it’s important to pray
for your marriage and your husband:

1. Prayer reflects the intimate relationship you have with your husband. You are the only one on this earth who knows him at his core. You can look across the room and tell when he has something on his mind; you can detect when he is stressed; you know his weaknesses and where the Enemy would like to go after him. You can pray about his challenges and for the Lord to protect him, shield him, expand his wisdom and develop his convictions.
2. Prayer builds intimacy and oneness in your marriage. Because oneness is the superpower of marriage, the Enemy loves to sow discord between a husband and wife. As a wife, you get to stand against the Enemy by pursuing Greg through prayer. It also helps to build your relationship with the Lord at the same time it strengthens your relationship with your husband.
3. Prayer sends a strong message that your husband is a priority in your life. You have soccer practice, basketball games, doctors appointments, haircuts — you get my drift. But, when your husband knows that you see him and you are praying for him, it sends a strong message that you value him and he is a priority in your life.
4. Prayer softens your heart and adjusts your view of my husband. When you go before the Lord in humble prayer, your heart softens and you find your strong, prideful opinions soften as well. You begin to see beyond the negative conclusions about your husband that you often jump to.
5. Prayer helps your husband. The Holy Spirit works in miraculous ways. Although we can’t fully explain how, you know that God is faithful and He helps when you pray for your husband to have wisdom, conviction or insight. Wives were created to be helpmates — what better way to be a helper than to pray for your husband?
6. Prayer builds your husband up. Sometimes it’s much easier to notice what your husband is not doing rather than acknowledging what he is doing. Praying for him is a way you can personally affirm him. You get to build up your husband with your words instead of tearing him down.

One of my own favorite scriptures is Psalm 116: 1:
“I love the LORD because He hears and He answers my prayers. Because He
bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath.”

God hears. God listens. God answers. God cares…deeply.

So don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Keep praying.

In our quest to be radiant in our marriages, let’s remember Alisa’s words, “You just might be one prayer away from a different marriage!”

 

Would you like a little encouragement for your stage of marriage right now? How about knowing what you could do today to improve your marriage? If so, then keep reading my interview with Alisa Grace in this “Mid-week Mini” post.

I asked Alisa: What is one line of advice you would give to women at different stages in their marriages?

Here is her reply:

Women in their first year of marriage:  Now is the time to start laying a strong
foundation of healthy habits in your marriage. Attend a marriage retreat/conference at
least once a year from now on!

Married with young kids:  Time alone together is a must: Spend at least 30 minutes per
day alone together and keep dating each other regularly!

Married with teenagers:  Just remember: This too shall pass.

Empty-nesters:  Couples that engage in new activities together report greater levels of
marital happiness. Try some new activities or explore new locations together.  

I also asked Alisa:  What is one thing wives could do today that would improve their marriages?

Here is her reply:

Get past feeling that you have to have the perfect body for your husband to find you
beautiful, sexy and attractive! Nothing could be less true! And nothing can be more
damaging to your own self-esteem as a woman as when you’re overly critical of your
body.

While it is true that we do need to take care of ourselves, eat well and get a reasonable amount of regular sleep and activity to be healthy, our men do not need us to look like supermodels in order to find us desirable! In fact, according to Harvard researcher Shaunti Feldhan, a majority of men report that they would be exquisitely happy to have a wife who is sweet and an enthusiastic partner in the bedroom! (Notice, I did not list having a thin, cellulite-free or stretchmark-free body!)

So go ahead and flirt with him. Send him sexy messages by text. And initiate sex with
him at least twice a week (maybe even with the closet light on!) for the next 30 days
and see the difference it makes in your marriage. Research shows that when wives
initiate sexual intimacy or are enthusiastically responsive when their husbands do, that
our men feel more loved, more desirable and like they can take on the world!

What an incredible amount of power we wives hold over the well-being of our husbands! And chances are, when we approach him with that kind of positive, anticipatory mind-set,
we’re going to enjoy intimacy a whole lot more, too! That’s a win-win for both of us!

What a valuable reminder (and maybe one we need to repeat to ourselves regularly) from Alisa that we do not need to have “thin, cellulite-free or stretchmark-free bodies for our husbands to find us desirable.” Can I just tell you how encouraging I find that? After turning 40 and having 2 children, let’s just say that my metabolism isn’t what it used to be. However, I know without a doubt that my husband cares infinitely more about me and our relationship than he does about my metabolism.

In our quest to be radiant this week, let’s intentionally take steps to strengthen our marriages.

If you have lost your spouse, would you consider praying about who you know who might need some encouragement in their marriage right now and reaching out to that person?

If you are unmarried, tuck this advice away because it may very well come in handy someday (for you or for someone else who needs to hear it.).

 

 

 

Last fall, my husband and I took the kids on a trip to California. The plane ride went remarkably well. The car ride, however, did not.

It was only supposed to be a four-hour trip. While that would have been challenging enough with two small children, it turned into an excruciating, blood-pressure-raising-seven-hour trip.

About four hours into it, the 3-year-old starts getting whinny. Then the 5-month-old starts getting fussy. Uh oh. His cries start to escalate. I’m sitting in the back of the van, seatbelt fully extended, trying to reach my baby’s hands to calm him down. It’s not working. I’m starting to feel helpless here. What a horrible feeling!

Meanwhile, navigation has totally led us astray and we are in bumper to bumper LA traffic. Could it go any slower? The crying gets louder and my blood pressure gets higher. My husband asks from the front, “Babe, do you think we should get off here?” I hear my not so gracious response, “JUST TAKE THE EXIT!”

Let’s just say that was not one of my more radiant moments.

Sometimes it’s hardest to be radiant in our very own marriages and in our relationships, isn’t it?

Since we are on a quest to be radiant, I thought I would seek out the help of an expert. If you saw my post, Marriage, Part 1, then you know I interviewed Alisa Grace, Consultant for Biola University’s Center for Marriage and Relationships. She has some really helpful and practical tools for us.

So without further ado, here is the next installment of my interview with Alisa.

I asked Alisa, “What might we be doing unwittingly to undermine our relationships?”

Here is her insightful response:

Research shows that we tend to interpret each other’s responses or behaviors as
more negative than the other person actually intended them – and this is
especially true during a conflict. In other words, we tend to assume the worst of
the other person and assign much more negative intentions instead assuming
the best.

I know I’ve been guilty of this at times. Have you? It’s so easy to just immediately assume the worst, isn’t it?

Alisa went on to share:
In healthy relationships, two people are willing to give each other the benefit of
the doubt and assume the other had the best of intentions.

Say my husband walks in the door after work and is a little bit snippy or short with me. I can assume he’s mad at me for some reason or even that he’s just being a jerk. Or…I
can choose to assume that perhaps something happened at work that caused
him some distress, frustration or pain.

Either he’s late for dinner because I assume he’s thoughtless and inconsiderate, or instead I choose to consider that he may be late for dinner because he had a car problem or perhaps someone stopped him as he was walking out the door with an issue that had to be
addressed immediately.

Negative assumptions prime the pump for conflict, misperceptions,
misinterpretations, and create an environment where your spouse feels
untrusted and unfairly judged. In other words, it sets you up as adversaries and
opponents.

In contrast, when you choose to give each other the benefit of the doubt and
assume the best of your spouse, you come into the conversation with much
more patience, empathy and understanding for the other person, thus creating an environment of emotional safety and compassion. This approach is much
more likely to make you feel positive toward your husband, like you are
teammates and helpmates.

I love how Alisa noted that it’s a choice on our part. We don’t have to give in to any kind of inclination to react negatively, and assume the worst. We can instead choose to respond positively and assume the best. What a valuable principle, not just for our marriages, but for relationships in general.

I also love the idea of “creating an environment of emotional safety and compassion.” That is definitely the kind of environment I want to have in my home, with my husband, my family and friends.

Alisa goes on to share something else that we sometimes tend to do that could undermine our relationships, and it involves our attention.

As women, we also think we’re good at multi-tasking. I can do the dishes, answer
my daughter’s homework questions and write a blog all at the same time. Or at
least I think I can.

One time I was folding some laundry when my husband came into the bedroom, sat down on the bed and began telling me a story about his day at work. As he talked and talked, I continued to fold and fold. Suddenly I noticed he had stopped talking. I quickly looked up to find him waiting patiently for me to look up at him. Although I truly was listening, by looking at the laundry as I continued to fold it, he felt like I wasn’t really listening to him. He said that although he knew I was listening, when I didn’t stop and make eye contact with him, it made him feel like the laundry was more important to me than him.
Ouch!

Research shows that humans are actually pretty bad at multi-tasking. The way our memories work, we only remember that to which we pay attention. For example, have you ever taken a shower and been so deep in thought that you couldn’t remember if you washed your hair? 
We can make others feel ignored, unheard and unimportant when we don’t give them our full attention during a conversation. Sometimes, we just have to ask ourselves, “Which is more important to me: getting the laundry done or my husband? Finishing this email or my child?”

So, set the work report aside, put down the cell phone and look the other person right in the eye while they’re talking. And really listen to them! There aren’t many more powerful ways to communicate to someone, “I love you and you are more important to me than anything else!”

I never want my husband or other loved ones to feel ignored, unheard or unimportant. But I confess that I often find it challenging to always stop what I’m doing and give them my full attention. I suppose it’s a bit of a Mary vs. Martha thing.  I’m especially bad at this while doing the dishes. I can be carrying on a conversation, nodding my head, “uh huh-ing” but only making minimal eye contact. How sad (and convicting) to realize that I might be making someone feel unheard or unimportant when I do that.

In my quest to be radiant this week (and on-going), I’m going to make an extra effort to give others the benefit of the doubt. I’m also going to try to give people my full attention (as much as I can with two young children running around).

Please share your thoughts and comments below! Alisa and I would love to hear from you!

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