Last week, I kicked off our new series on leadership. Today we get to look at our first Biblical example, a strong female leader named Deborah. For the full post, watch the video, otherwise read below for the highlights.
In case you missed my post last week, I talked about different definitions of leadership. The one we’ll be using is: leadership is influence. By that definition, we are all leaders. We all have the ability to influence people.
Let’s take a look at a woman who had tremendous influence over the people of Israel and see what leadership lessons we can learn from her.
Judges 4-5 give us the cultural, historical context of what was taking place while Deborah was leading (judging) Israel. Israel was being oppressed and the Lord heard their cry. He had a plan and was going to use Deborah to help implement it.
Did you know that Deborah was likely the only female judge in Israel? That was news to me and I find it rather remarkable. I can’t even imagine the kind of influence she must have had on her people.
Deborah would sit under the Palm of Deborah and hold court, settling people’s disputes. I love that she wasn’t hidden away and people didn’t have to go through throngs of guards to get to her.
She made herself accessible. That’s the first leadership lesson from Deborah.
Think about what that might look like in your leadership context. How might you make yourself more accessible to your people?
The second leadership lesson we take away from Deborah has to do with a man named, Barak. The Lord wanted him to lead an army of men against Israel’s oppressor. He was willing to do it, but he wanted Deborah to go with him.
Deborah agreed to go with Barak and she did. That was the kind of leader she was. She didn’t expect someone to do something she wasn’t willing to do.
That’s the second leadership lesson – Never ask someone to do something that you are unwilling to do.
This even applies in my own household. Whenever we get home, I ask the kids to take off their shoes and put them on the shoe rack. If I do it as well, my ability to influence them in a positive way is much more effective than if I don’t do it. I want to lead by example.
The third leadership lesson comes from Judges, chapter 5. It’s known as Deborah’s song and Deborah talks about how she arose as a mother in Israel. A mother in Israel? Hmm, what did she mean by that and how did it impact her as a leader?
The idea is that she wanted to protect and defend Israel, just like a mother would protect and defend her children.
Leadership lesson number three: lead like a mother.
When I was the Director of Human Resources at my previous job, there were times when I had to deliver some unpopular news. I was never quite sure how it would be received but I always knew my supervisor had my back. He would defend me should the need arise.
Knowing that he would defend me gave me the courage I needed to do hard things.
Deborah, as a “mother in Israel,” also developed a maternal affection for her people. It reminds me of the quote by John Stott that I shared in my last post. Leadership isn’t about power, it’s about love. The motivation from which we lead should be love.
We will have far more influence on people if we lead out of love.
I hope you’ve found these leadership lessons from Deborah helpful.
The last thing I want to leave you with is found in Judges 5:31 and the final part of the verse says, “But may all who love you be like the sun when it rises in it’s strength.” Imagine the sun when it’s rays first shoot forth in the morning. Talk about radiant!
So let us go be radiant this week and in the weeks ahead as we influence those around us.
Leadership is a lot like parenthood. You don’t really know what you’re signing up for until you are smack dab in the middle of it and realize you have absolutely no idea what you are doing.
I’m sure that’s not true for many leaders, but it certainly has been for me at different times in my life and even quite recently. In fact, this blog post is the result of some serious self-reflection after a bit of a leadership fumble. I could have handled a situation so much better than I did. Suffice it to say it was a less than radiant moment.
I want to have fewer leadership fumbles and be more radiant in my roles as a leader. In light of that, I’m kicking off a series on leadership.
If you are tempted to stop reading right now because you don’t consider yourself a leader, wait! Hang with me just a little bit longer. You might be surprised to find that you are indeed a leader.
In this series, we will first look at some different definitions of leadership and then see what God might want to teach us about leadership from biblical examples such as Deborah, Moses, David and Joshua.
How did God choose them? What kind of leaders were they? How did they influence, guide and direct those around them?
Before we dive into the details, perhaps we should start with a very important question.
What is leadership?
I was asked that seemingly simple question in a job interview once, and to be honest, it caught me off guard.
Since that time, I have worked to deepen my understanding of the topic both academically and experientially. Being able to attend leadership seminars and conferences was like a lifeline for me when I felt like I was over my head. Spending time studying leaders in the Bible also brought tremendous insight and encouragement. We’ll talk more about that in a future post.
Okay, back to our question. What is leadership? Some would say leadership is moving people from “here to there.” As a leader, you help people see why they can’t stay “here,” cast a vision for what “there” looks like, and then help move people. This could happen in the work place, at church or even at home.
Others would define leadership as simply guiding or directing people.
However, perhaps the most broad, all-inclusive definition of leadership uses just a single word: influence.
If leadership is influence, then by that definition, we are all leaders to some degree. We all have the ability to influence those around us (and thanks to social media, we can influence those who aren’t around us too!).
There are positional leaders, those who lead people because of a particular role they have or because of a line item in their job description. While other people could be considered relational leaders, influencing people through their relationships without having a formal title or role of leadership.
Think about how you have the ability to influence your friends, your spouse, and your family, all because of your relationship with them.
As I was preparing for this post, I found a quote that both aptly and eloquently describes some of the intricacies of leadership: “The authority by which the Christian leader leads is not power but love, not force but example, not coercion but reasoned persuasion. Leaders have power, but power is only safe in the hands of those who humble themselves to serve.” John Stott
What captures me about this quote is the emphasis on love, example, persuasion and humility in leadership. As we look at some biblical examples of leadership in the weeks ahead, we will see how these elements manifest themselves in their hearts and actions.
In my own life, I believe God has used leadership, far more than almost anything else, to humble me. Unfortunately, I’ve had to learn many lessons the hard way. We’ll talk more about that too in the coming weeks.
What about you? Have you learned some share-worthy lessons in leadership? I would love for you to share your thoughts as we continue the series. Let’s discover together how to be radiant as we lead in our everyday lives.
I was cleaning the sliding glass doors the other day and thinking about how the screen door doesn’t slide nicely. In fact, it’s so difficult to open and close that I have to yank on it, grit my teeth and grunt. Just thinking about it made me feel annoyed, especially after being at a friend’s house and effortlessly opening her smooth sliding screen door.
As I continued cleaning, I started thinking about how one side of the kitchen sink doesn’t drain well. That thought led to more and before I knew it, there were at least half a dozen things in the house that made me feel annoyed because they didn’t work properly.
Right at that moment, I began to wonder how many issues like that I have in my own heart or character.
Yes, God seems to speak to me when I’m cleaning. Maybe I should clean more often. Lol.
Most of the time, I don’t think about all of the things in my house that don’t work like they should. It’s usually when we have a guest over and they walk toward the sink that I quickly tell them to only use the one side that works.
I often then feel a little embarrassed, because my husband and I build and remodel homes for a living. It’s incredibly ironic, don’t you think? We, of all people, should take the time to make a “punch list” and invest in fixing the things that are broken.
However, just as I’ve grown accustomed to all the little annoyances around the house, I’ve also grown accustomed to some of the issues in my character.
Most of the time, I honestly don’t even think about them. They might come to the forefront of my mind when I witness a friend exhibit patience or some other equally valuable virtue with which I struggle.
It’s not about comparing my life to theirs, it’s more like a little twinge (i.e. reminder/nudge from the Holy Spirit) that I need to work on that area in my life.
Rick Warren helps put things into perspective when he says, “God’s ultimate goal for your life on earth is not comfort, but character development. He wants you to grow up spiritually and become like Christ.”
Even though I’m so comfortable in my flawed state, and my family and friends love me as I am, I know that’s not where God wants me to stay.
However, it’s just so easy to brush off or explain away our character flaws, isn’t it? Think of someone who says, “I’m stubborn. I’ve always been that way.” Instead of admitting that perhaps she needs to yield a little more, she writes off her stubbornness as a seemingly unchangeable aspect of her character.
In full disclosure, I may have said on more than one occasion, “I grew up as an only child…” which of course explains why I am the way I am.
So, instead of taking stock of my issues and intentionally investing in myself to be more like Jesus, I have just grown accustomed to how I am. Can you relate?
One example of a biblical woman with the kind of character I aspire to is Ruth. In the book of Ruth, chapter 3, we overhear a conversation between Boaz and Ruth on the threshing floor. Boaz says to her, “All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character.”
Wow! What an accolade! Not just a few people noticed Ruth’s character. It was the whole town. Everyone could see the kind of character Ruth had when she traveled with Naomi, her mother-in-law, to a new land and began gleaning the fields to help provide for her.
That’s the kind of character I’d like to cultivate — the selfless, loving, hard-working and dedicated kind.
Charles Spurgeon once said, “A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.”
The idea of carving our names on people’s hearts during this life is such a beautiful illustration of an outward manifestation of the inner character we are developing.
We might be striving to do great things for God in our lives. I know I want to love Him and serve Him to the best of my ability. However, as Henry Blackaby notes, “Nothing is more pathetic than having a small character in a big assignment. Many of us don’t want to give attention to our character, we just want the big assignment from God.”
Ouch. I confess that I have wanted the “big assignment from God,” without always counting the cost.
I feel like the majority of my character flaws are most visible when I’m at home, which means that’s perhaps a good place for me to be working on them. I deeply desire to be a “wife of noble character” as we read in Proverbs 12:4. “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”
Who wants to be like “decay” in her husband’s bones? That’s awful. No, I’m striving toward a noble character and I think it begins with identifying the specific areas that need attention.
Titus chapter 2 tells us that the grace of God teaches us, 1) to say “no” to ungodliness and worldly passions and, 2) to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives.
I believe that by putting that into practice on a daily, maybe even hourly, basis, I would be investing in those flawed areas of my character.
As I wiped away some of the spots on the sliding glass door so it would be clean enough to see my reflection, I pray God would wipe away some of my character issues so I would be clean and see His reflection.
Before I became a mom, I thought parents had the whole parenting thing figured out. And then I became a parent and realized just what a myth that was!
Being a stay-at-home-mom is by far the most difficult job I’ve ever had, and the most rewarding. While I love it, I also have moments (which really means days) where I struggle. It can feel really stressful trying to meet the needs of little ones who don’t have high emotional intelligence yet.
I thought perhaps others might struggle with parenting too, so I enlisted the help of an expert. His name is Dr. Ray E. Liles and he is a man near and dear to my heart.
Dr. Liles, LCSW has four college degrees including both a Master of Social Work (MSW) degree from USC and a Doctor of Social Welfare degree from UCLA.
He practiced psychotherapy with individuals, families, and groups for 40 years and taught classes related to human behavior and family issues for many years at both the undergraduate and graduate levels.
In addition, he has been a sought after consultant and conducted numerous well received workshops and trainings at local, state, national, and international conferences and has publications in his fields of interest. He is now retired.
Dr. Liles is married, the proud father of two sons and a daughter, and the proud grandfather of five thriving grandchildren.
Below is my interview with Dr. Liles, (I call him Dad).
Q: In what ways do parents tend to feel like they are failing the most? What are some things parents can do to overcome those feelings of failure?
A: “Parents usually feel they are failing when their children of any age are struggling. Overcoming those feelings of failure is based on resolving to try and continue to help your children while letting them grow and learn to cope. No parent needs to be the best or perfect parent but we can all try to be good enough.”
I so appreciate Dr. Lile’s encouragement that we don’t have to be the best parent or the perfect parent. I can be a little hard on myself when I do something that doesn’t make me feel like the parent I want to be.
One thing that helps me is remembering that God is the one who entrusted me to be the mom to my boys and therefore, I believe He thinks I’m the right one for the job. Maybe it’s about trying to be the best mom I can (with God’s help) and knowing that’s all I can do and that’s enough. I’m also incredibly grateful for my husband, who is a great Dad! I’m a better mom because of the Dad he is.
Q: What are a couple of tips for parents who are facing significant and ongoing behavioral challenges with their children?
A: “Don’t try to handle those things alone. Read, get some counseling, and, if at all possible, talk to other parents facing similar challenges. Share your successes and struggles and listen carefully to theirs.”
Q: How does parenting change as kids grow older? What advice do you have for parents who have small children now?
A: “Parenting small children is really a constant sense of joy and loss. The child of today is growing and developing and the child of yesterday is gone. Parents have to do the same. Today parent a little differently from yesterday and leave some things behind.”
I asked Dr. Liles to elaborate on his answer. This is how he responded:
“If you have a child who now can run, you slowly and incrementally let go of that child’s hands as he or she began to walk. All parenting is like that. A bit more complex later on but it’s still holding on when it’s needed and letting go when it’s not. Have faith in your child’s growth like somebody hopefully had faith in you.”
It’s rather bittersweet, isn’t it? We love holding on to our little one’s hand as they are learning to walk, but as we let them go, they can run. We love to see them thrive and flourish, while simultaneously missing watching them get to that place.
Q: When and how should a parent introduce the concept of money to their child?
A: “The concept of money can be introduced as soon as a child begins to count. Coins and dollar bills are a great way to help a child learn arithmetic. The value of money can begin to be learned when a child “trades” his or her coins for a little special treat.”
“Somewhat older children should be given the opportunity to earn money at home for chores above and beyond their normally required ones. When they later ask for something at the store (like candy or a small toy) the natural answer, said with a smile, is ‘do you have the money for that?'”
Dr. Liles goes on to say, “Learning the value of money is a developmental issue. Many adults, including me, are still trying to learn the value of money.”
I love the idea of a child “trading” his or her coins for a special treat. I had never thought about it like that before.
One thing we are doing with our almost 4-year-old is reading a series of book by Dave Ramsey. Check out the link here. They are cute stories with different concepts related to money, how it’s earned and how it can be stewarded.
We also use a piggy bank with three categories: Save, Spend, and Give. So whenever our little man receives coins, he can choose the category in which they go and begin to understand different ways to use money.
Q: How would you encourage a parent to find a good balance between making sure their child is safe and protected without overly hovering? (Freedom vs. control).
A: “The best way to balance freedom vs. control is to realize neither should be total. Parenting is providing teaching, guidance, and common sense safety. One guideline is to separate your own issues from your child’s.”
Dr. Liles goes on to say, “When I was about 13 some of my junior high school friends planned a parent supervised, beach trip and invited me to go along. My mother was adamantly, and I thought unreasonably, opposed to my going. So, I played a relatively unusual game of divide and conquer and talked to my dad who talked her into letting me go. Turned out she didn’t know how to swim. It was news to me. I had been swimming like a fish for years. it was her issue, not mine.”
“One summer later on, I went on a similar, parent supervised beach trip with mostly the same kids. I literally saved a classmate’s life when we were swept off the end of a jetty by a rogue wave. It turned out she couldn’t swim and so I just towed her to the nearest boat that had come to our aid.”
“A few years later I became a certified SCUBA diver and later a SCUBA instructor and even did some underwater photography. Not bad for a kid who’s mother didn’t want to let him go to the beach.”
“So, provide common sense safely while separating your issues from your child’s. Don’t deny your children the opportunity to occasionally fail on their own and you won’t deny them the opportunity to succeed on their own.”
What great advice! Sometimes I say “no” when my child wants to do something, thinking he’s going to fail. Instead, I should consider allowing it and he might just succeed!
Q: What are three things parents can do this week to have a better relationship with their kids or grandkids?
A: “1. Reach out this week lovingly and kindly and just let them know you are there. 2. Catch them doing something right and point out a strength. 3. Think of one way to let them or help them be who they are.”
If you are looking for resources, Dr. Liles recommends the website healthychildren.org.
I want to say a big Thank You to Dr. Liles for sharing his wisdom and insight with us. I have learned some really helpful nuggets to begin applying with my little guys.
All you other parents and grandparents out there, please share one piece of parenting wisdom you think we all could benefit from.
Let’s go be radiant in our parenting, grandparenting or whatever role we have with kids this week.
Go Be Radiant 