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Can you imagine trying to lead “600,000 men, besides women and children”? That was roughly the number of people that Moses had the honor (challenge) of leading. What a job!

In this post, we will look at 5 key leadership lessons from Moses’ leadership journey that are still applicable today. Are you ready? Good! Let’s begin.

Leadership Lesson #1:  Address fear 

When the Israelites left Egypt, they soon discovered that Pharaoh and his army were coming for them. As you can expect, they were incredibly fearful. “…was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?” they asked Moses in Exodus 14:11.

See my post, Dry Ground, for a little more context on this passage.

Moses immediately addresses their fears. “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Ex. 14:13-14).

In our lives today, our leadership may not entail having to address people’s fears about their own safety, but we might encounter fears about change or the future.

You’ll see in other passages in Exodus that the Israelites refer back to their lives in Egypt, and despite being slaves, they sometimes thought life was better there than in the desert. People don’t always see the need for change or may think the old way of doing things was better.

Change, for many, is hard. They might not know what their role will look like in the future. They might be afraid they won’t be able to learn the new system quickly enough or that their job will eventually be eliminated.

A good leader will first discover what the fear is and/or why someone is showing signs of resistance, and then will address it.

Moses reassured the Israelites that the Lord would fight for them and deliver them. What might that look like in our context? If we aren’t working in a Christian environment, maybe that looks like communicating that we, as their supervisor or manager, have their back. We assure them that we, or someone with a higher rank, will go to bat for them. We assure them that we will get through this.

Leadership Lesson #2: Earn Trust

A former supervisor of mine used to say that some people impute trust, meaning that they simply trust another individual. Others’ trust, however, has to be earned. When it came to the Israelites, Moses had to earn their trust.

After Moses stretched out his hand over the sea and the Lord drove back the water so the Israelites could pass through on dry ground and be saved from the Egyptians, there was a shift in the Israelites way of thinking.

“And when the Israelites saw the mighty hand of the Lord displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant.” (Ex. 14:31)

Moses had told the Israelites that the Lord would deliver them, and He did. Once the Israelites saw this, Moses had earned their trust.

As leaders, we might not have to stretch out our arms to part the Red Sea and save hundreds of thousands of people from their death. But what if we just did what we said we were going to do? What kind of impact would that have on those around us who look to us for leadership?

Never underestimate the power of following through on your word. Your people will notice and it *will* matter to them.

Leadership Lesson #3:  Expect Grumbling

If you read chapters 15-16 in Exodus, you might just begin to lose count of the number of times the word “grumbling” is mentioned.

Often, the Israelites were grumbling because their needs, like food and water, weren’t being met in a timely fashion. They grumbled for other reasons too, but this one was a biggie.

I notice two things about how Moses responded. He went ahead and made sure their needs were met and then he redirected their grumbling. He pointed out that they weren’t grumbling against him, but against God (Ex. 16:7-8).

If you have been leading for any length of time, you have likely encountered at least one grumbler. Rather than being irritated or annoyed by that person (or even feeling threatened by them), what would happen if you took some time to discover why they were grumbling?

Maybe they have unmet needs or expectations. If you can discover the root of their grumbling, you have a much better chance of being able to work with them to end it.

Leadership Lesson #4:  Be Teachable

This is not a new lesson. It is tried and true and still very relevant today. Whether you are leading in a positional leadership role or leading by influence, being teachable is a characteristic that will always behoove you.

I see this characteristic in Moses when his father-in-law, Jethro, comes to visit (Ex. 18:13-26). After Moses tells Jethro all that God has been doing and the hardships they have faced, Moses sits down to act as judge for the people.

Jethro looks at what Moses is doing and questions Moses. Why are you the only one doing this? This is far too big of a job of one person alone. You are going to wear yourself out. You should find some other trustworthy and reliable men who you can teach to judge.

Moses listens to his father-in-law and does everything he tells him.

As a leader, do you find yourself teachable? Do you listen when others have observations about your leadership? Do you allow others to speak into your life and offer ideas for solutions to problems you are facing?

Leadership Lesson #5:  Diligently Delegate

This lesson flows right out of the last one. Moses ends up finding some men who are able to act as judges over large groups of people.

As leaders, we want to delegate, but not so much so that we are actually shirking our own responsibilities. We want to maintain a manageable amount on our plates, allowing ourselves to still be stretched, without being overwhelmed.

There was a time when I felt like I was doing a full-time job and a part-time job at the same time. I would come in early, work through lunch and stay late and there were still endless things on my “to do” list. There just weren’t enough hours in the day to get through all the emails, do paperwork, plan for and attend meetings, and file the ever-growing piles on my desk.

Eventually, a bigger team of people came to my rescue and I was able to delegate enough of my tasks to finally make my job right-sized. It was such a relief. I felt like I could be a better leader and invest more in my team because I had delegated appropriately.

Well, I hope you have found these leadership lessons helpful. Would you take a moment and comment below? Was there a particular leadership lesson you think would be especially useful for you right now? Do you see any other lessons from Moses’ leadership journey? Please share in the comments!

We will continue our leadership study next week, so be sure to come on back for that! In the meantime, let us go be radiant this week!

A number of years ago, I was encountering some major challenges as a leader. I felt like I was in over my head, making rookie mistakes, and alienating the people I was trying to lead. It was a mess. I was a mess.

In an effort to lift my weary self out of the muck and mire I had unintentionally created, I began reading about different Biblical leaders. One such leader was a man named Moses. God used some of his leadership experiences to give me much needed hope and point me in a better direction.

When I decided to share some of those leadership learnings here on my blog, I revisited the book of Exodus to see if God might have some additional insight I could include. What do you know? He did!

Not only that, He actually amplified my view to encompass leadership lessons from the Boss Himself! So while I began to glean some new nuggets from Moses’s leadership journey, I realized that I was actually learning more about how God led Moses!

This unexpected shift in focus means that instead of spending all of our time on Moses in this post, we will mainly zero in on God. Next week, I’ll write more about leadership lessons I’ve learned from Moses.

To get the most out of this post, I’d highly recommend reading Exodus chapters 3 and 4. You can do so here.

Let’s briefly look at the context before we jump in. After killing a man, and being found out, Moses fled to Midian. While there, he married the daughter of a priest and they had a son. Moses was tending his father-in-law’s flock when God called to him from a burning bush.

I can’t help but find it interesting that just like David, Moses was tending a flock when he found out God had chosen him for a really big leadership job. If you haven’t read my post about leadership lessons from David, Lead Like a Shepherd, you can do so here.

Let’s see what the Boss has to teach us as he calls Moses. We’ll pick up the story in Exodus 3:4 and following. Moses is intrigued by a bush that’s on fire and yet does not burn up. I would be intrigued too, wouldn’t you?

When the Lord sees that Moses goes over to look at the bush, God calls him by name, twice.

After Moses says, “Here I am,” God establishes two things: that this is holy ground and He is the Lord. In response to the reality of all that is holy in front of him, Moses hides his face, too fearful of looking at God.

In the following verses, God tells Moses about the plight of his people who are suffering in Egypt. He, in essence, gives Moses context, helping him understand the severity of the situation. God then proceeds to tell Moses that He is going to bring the Israelites up out of that land into a land flowing with milk and honey.

I assume that Moses is listening quite carefully, as he has not said a word.

Then in Exodus 3:10, God tells Moses exactly what He wants Moses to do. The first leadership lesson I learn from God here is: communicate clearly and concisely. 

God clearly and concisely communicates His mission for Moses, “So now go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.”

Can’t you just imagine the shock Moses must have felt at that very moment. I mean, I’m sure he was mentally nodding his head as God was telling him about how His people were suffering. And then, boom! There is a charge to GO to Pharaoh (a very powerful man) and bring His people out of Egypt. What?!?!

I love how the writer of Exodus says, “But Moses said to God…” If Moses had immediately agreed to God’s charge and said, “I will do as you say, my Lord,” then the writer might have said, “And Moses said to God…” We would have seen an “and” instead of a “but.”

Moses asks, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” Here we might see some insecurity or even humility on Moses’ part.

The Boss is undeterred by Moses’ response and replies in verse 12, “…I will be with you…” The second leadership lesson I learn from God here is: presence matters. 

The Lord assures Moses that He will be with him. If the Lord is with us, is there anything we can’t face?

I believe that knowing the Lord would be with him gave Moses a little more courage. This reminds me of the passage we looked at while studying Deborah in, Lead Like a Mother, when Barak said he would go but only if Deborah went with him. If you haven’t read that post, you can do so here.

Throughout the remainder of Exodus chapter 3 and even into chapter 4, Moses asks several questions. He’s anticipating problems and wants to know ahead of time what he should say or do.

The Lord listens to Moses’ questions and always gives him an answer and a solution. Now this is kind of an interesting leadership strategy. Why? If you’ve had a direct supervisor while in a position of leadership, your leader probably encouraged questions but may have wanted you to answer them. Doing so would help you learn to figure things out on your own and perhaps even make you a little less dependent on the one who is leading you.

In this case however, I’m guessing that God wanted Moses to depend on Him. Moses wouldn’t be the one doing all of the work on this leadership mission. The elders of Israel and God Himself would also play a significant role.

In Exodus 3:16-17, God gives Moses further instructions with regard to the mission. He says, “Go, assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers–the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob–appeared to me and said:  I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in Egypt. And I have promised to bring you up out of your misery in Egypt into the land of the Canaanites…a land flowing with milk and honey.'”

In verse 18, God tells Moses that the elders of Israel will listen to him. Then God gives Moses the next part of the mission:  “…Then you and the elders are to go to the king of Egypt…”

What’s interesting about God’s instructions for Moses and the elders to go the king of Egypt is that He knows the king won’t let them do what they want him to do, “unless a mighty hand compels him.” So God foresees this potential problem and in verse 20 states how He will solve it.

The third leadership lesson I learn from God here is:  foresee potential problems and have possible solutions ready.

Even though we are not omniscient like God, if we are good at our jobs and in our various leadership roles, we can see potential problems before they happen. I do it all the time with my kids! I foresee that the pancake syrup is going to spill on the placemat while my 3-year-old is eating, so I move the plate closer to him and put a napkin down.

I mentioned earlier that Moses wouldn’t be doing all the work on this leadership mission. We see that when God provides a solution in verse 20 and, in verse 21, when He says that He will make the Egyptians favorably disposed toward the Israelites.

The fourth leadership lesson I learn from God here is:  leadership means working together to accomplish a task.

Unfortunately there was a time when I was in a positional leadership role, that I made the mistake of trying to do too much by myself. It wasn’t until I had a solid team around me that things really began to change for the better.

In Exodus chapter 4, we see how God begins to empower Moses. Literally. God gives  Moses the power to perform various wonders. It’s all part of God’s strategy to get the Israelites out of Egypt.

Even though Moses will now have the ability to perform these wonders, he tells God that he has never been eloquent. Maybe he’s thinking, “sure, I’ll be able to do wonders, but if I can’t speak, will the plan fall apart? Will I mess it up?”

God tells him to go (that’s at least the third time God has said, “go” to Moses in the last two chapters) and assures him that He will be with him and will help him speak and will teach him what to say (v. 12).

Alas, Moses is not convinced. “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.” (v. 13)

Okay, I know the job sounds big here, but God has answered every question, He’s empowered Moses, He’s promised to be with him. What more does Moses need to be convinced that he’s the right guy for the job?

The fifth leadership lesson I learn from God here is:  empowerment doesn’t always equal confidence. 

Regardless of how much someone has invested in us and empowered us with all they think we need to get the job done, we may still feel insecure. We may have doubts and fears. We may think that there is someone far better for the job.

God has been very patient up to this point but now he’s angry (Ex. 4:14). But even in his anger, he provides a solution:  Aaron, Moses’ brother.

The sixth leadership lesson I learn from God here is:  when you know you’ve got the right person for the job, don’t let them talk their way out of it. 

Having said that, you may have to give them more resources to help them feel like they have everything they need to accomplish what you’ve asked them to do.

I wish I had learned some of these lessons a long time ago.

Were any of these leadership lessons helpful to you? If so, I would love for you to comment below.

Thank you for sticking with me and reading through to the end. I will be posting videos again, so stay tuned for those as well. We’ll focus in on Moses next week.

In the meantime, let’s try leading like a Boss this week and in so doing, be a little more radiant.

For those of you who usually watch my videos instead of reading the post, I had some technical difficulties in the editing stage. My apologies. Please stay tuned for a future video. In the meantime, feel free to read the post below.

When you think of leading like a shepherd, does David come to mind? It seems a little cliché, doesn’t it? Even if it does (which I agree, it does seem a bit cliché) it doesn’t make it any less applicable, which is how I justified titling this blog post, Lead Like a Shepherd 🙂

In my last post, Lead Like a Mother, we talked about the only female judge in Israel’s history, Deborah. As we dive into the topic of David’s leadership, we might just see a common aspect between the two.

We find rather lengthy accounts of David’s life and leadership in Scripture, far more than we have space to discuss here. So I will only be focusing in on a few key leadership principles that caught my attention as I was studying him.

If you would like to spend more time looking at the life of David, please comment below and let me know. I’d be happy to oblige.

Okay, let’s dig in and look first at how David was chosen as a leader.

God sent Samuel to anoint a king from among Jesse’s sons. Samuel saw Eliab, one of David’s older brothers, and assumed by his appearance (including his height) that he was the one. Alas, he was not. Why? Because the qualifications God was looking for did not have to do with one’s appearance, but rather, one’s heart.

As a petite individual, I’m rather pleased that Eliab’s height was not the determining factor. Lol.

I don’t know about you, but I’m guilty of making assumptions based on people’s appearance instead of doing my best to look at their hearts. Obviously only God really knows someone’s heart, but I could certainly do better to look a little deeper than I sometimes do.

The story in 1 Samuel, tells us that the youngest of Jesse’s sons, a shepherd named David, was the one God wanted Samuel to anoint.

Despite the fact that appearances were not the determining factor for David being chosen, we are still privy to a description of his appearance. In fact, the Bible notes that he was “glowing with health.” Oooh, I might interpret that as radiant! 🙂

As a shepherd, David may have seemed like an unlikely candidate for such a lofty leadership role, but perhaps his experience with sheep (who, let’s face it, are sometimes a lot like people) prepared him well for his future job.

Much like a shepherd would want to protect his sheep, as a leader, he would want to protect his people. I see a similar correlation to Deborah, who led like a mother. In other words, just as a mother would protect her children, so Deborah wanted to protect her people.

The desire to protect one’s people, then, seems like an important aspect of an individual’s leadership.

Another aspect of David’s leadership that caught my eye was his ability to show grace.

We see time and time again in Scripture where Saul is jealous of David’s success and as a result is pursuing him to kill him. Despite his efforts, David manages to elude Saul.

On more than one occasion, David has the opportunity to kill Saul but chooses not to. In fact, at one point he says, “far be it from me to lay a hand on God’s anointed.” Talk about showing a tremendous amount of grace!

If we think about what that looks like in our lives, surely we don’t have people so jealous of our success that they are trying to kill us. However, there is probably that one problem person at work that you have either wanted to fire or wish you could fire.

What would happen if we chose to show a little more grace to people like that?

This week I missed an important leadership meeting. I completely forgot about it (and felt horrible). Normally I prioritize things like that. As soon as I realized what I had done, I emailed the person in charge and apologized profusely.

You know what he did? He showed me grace. What a wonderful and David-like response as a leader.

If, instead of showing me grace, he had given me a hard time for not being there or made me feel worse than I already did, you know what that would have done? It would have caused me to retreat a little and maybe even eventually begin to question whether or not I wanted to continue in that role.

By showing me grace, it actually motivated me to step up my game a bit and not miss any future meetings.

The last leadership aspect in David’s life that I want to discuss is related to his ability to make unpopular decisions.

Leaders often have to make tough decisions, ones that cause them to remember that you can’t please everyone all the time, and David was no exception.

There was a time when David and his men returned to where they were staying only to find all of their wives and children had been taken captive by the Amalekites.

They were so distraught that they wept until they had no strength. David became even more distressed when there was talk by some of the men of stoning him.

But 1 Samuel tells us that he found strength in the Lord His God. Can I just say that finding strength in God, as a leader, is probably the best thing you could ever do? The moment you try to rely on your own strength is the moment you begin to go down as a leader.

David rallied the men and they set off to get their families back. Unfortunately about 200 of the men grew too tired along the way to make it to the battle. David and his men continued and fought from dusk until the evening of the next day.

They won all of their wives and children back and gained additional plunder in the process. The problem was that the trouble makers and evil men among David’s group, didn’t want to share the plunder with the 200 men who didn’t make it to the battle.

David’s response is where I really see him leading like a shepherd. He says, “no, brothers, we cannot do that after what God has done for us and how He has delivered us…”

David wasn’t about to leave the 200 men out. Just like, as a shepherd, he would not have denied grass to the sheep who took longer to get to the field than the others.

He made the decision to be inclusive and to show grace to the 200 men. It probably wasn’t a popular decision among those who suggested he do otherwise. But he did it anyway and it was the right decision to make.

Like all leaders, David didn’t always make the right decision. There were some big mistakes along the way. Nonetheless, he demonstrates admirable leadership qualities that we might want to consider how to apply in our own leadership journey.

So what does leading like a shepherd look like in your context? Would you be willing to share in a comment below? I would love to hear how you might find some of these things applicable in your life.

We have two more leaders to look at in the weeks ahead:  Moses and Joshua. So please come back and join me for more leadership lessons from these noteworthy leaders.

In the meantime, let’s go be radiant as we lead this week.

 

 

 

Last week, I kicked off our new series on leadership. Today we get to look at our first Biblical example, a strong female leader named Deborah. For the full post, watch the video, otherwise read below for the highlights.

In case you missed my post last week, I talked about different definitions of leadership. The one we’ll be using is:  leadership is influence. By that definition, we are all leaders. We all have the ability to influence people.

Let’s take a look at a woman who had tremendous influence over the people of Israel and see what leadership lessons we can learn from her.

Judges 4-5 give us the cultural, historical context of what was taking place while Deborah was leading (judging) Israel. Israel was being oppressed and the Lord heard their cry. He had a plan and was going to use Deborah to help implement it.

Did you know that Deborah was likely the only female judge in Israel? That was news to me and I find it rather remarkable. I can’t even imagine the kind of influence she must have had on her people.

Deborah would sit under the Palm of Deborah and hold court, settling people’s disputes. I love that she wasn’t hidden away and people didn’t have to go through throngs of guards to get to her.

She made herself accessible. That’s the first leadership lesson from Deborah.

Think about what that might look like in your leadership context. How might you make yourself more accessible to your people?

The second leadership lesson we take away from Deborah has to do with a man named, Barak. The Lord wanted him to lead an army of men against Israel’s oppressor. He was willing to do it, but he wanted Deborah to go with him.

Deborah agreed to go with Barak and she did. That was the kind of leader she was. She didn’t expect someone to do something she wasn’t willing to do.

That’s the second leadership lesson – Never ask someone to do something that you are unwilling to do.

This even applies in my own household. Whenever we get home, I ask the kids to take off their shoes and put them on the shoe rack. If I do it as well, my ability to influence them in a positive way is much more effective than if I don’t do it. I want to lead by example.

The third leadership lesson comes from Judges, chapter 5. It’s known as Deborah’s song and Deborah talks about how she arose as a mother in Israel. A mother in Israel? Hmm, what did she mean by that and how did it impact her as a leader?

The idea is that she wanted to protect and defend Israel, just like a mother would protect and defend her children.

Leadership lesson number three:  lead like a mother.

When I was the Director of Human Resources at my previous job, there were times when I had to deliver some unpopular news. I was never quite sure how it would be received but I always knew my supervisor had my back. He would defend me should the need arise.

Knowing that he would defend me gave me the courage I needed to do hard things.

Deborah, as a “mother in Israel,” also developed a maternal affection for her people. It reminds me of the quote by John Stott that I shared in my last post. Leadership isn’t about power, it’s about love. The motivation from which we lead should be love.

We will have far more influence on people if we lead out of love.

I hope you’ve found these leadership lessons from Deborah helpful.

The last thing I want to leave you with is found in Judges 5:31 and the final part of the verse says, “But may all who love you be like the sun when it rises in it’s strength.” Imagine the sun when it’s rays first shoot forth in the morning. Talk about radiant!

So let us go be radiant this week and in the weeks ahead as we influence those around us.

Leadership is a lot like parenthood. You don’t really know what you’re signing up for until you are smack dab in the middle of it and realize you have absolutely no idea what you are doing.

I’m sure that’s not true for many leaders, but it certainly has been for me at different times in my life and even quite recently. In fact, this blog post is the result of some serious self-reflection after a bit of a leadership fumble. I could have handled a situation so much better than I did. Suffice it to say it was a less than radiant moment.

I want to have fewer leadership fumbles and be more radiant in my roles as a leader. In light of that, I’m kicking off a series on leadership.

If you are tempted to stop reading right now because you don’t consider yourself a leader, wait! Hang with me just a little bit longer. You might be surprised to find that you are indeed a leader.

In this series, we will first look at some different definitions of leadership and then see what God might want to teach us about leadership from biblical examples such as Deborah, Moses, David and Joshua.

How did God choose them? What kind of leaders were they? How did they influence, guide and direct those around them?

Before we dive into the details, perhaps we should start with a very important question.

What is leadership?

I was asked that seemingly simple question in a job interview once, and to be honest, it caught me off guard.

Since that time, I have worked to deepen my understanding of the topic both academically and experientially. Being able to attend leadership seminars and conferences was like a lifeline for me when I felt like I was over my head. Spending time studying leaders in the Bible also brought tremendous insight and encouragement. We’ll talk more about that in a future post.

Okay, back to our question. What is leadership? Some would say leadership is moving people from “here to there.” As a leader, you help people see why they can’t stay “here,” cast a vision for what “there” looks like, and then help move people. This could happen in the work place, at church or even at home.

Others would define leadership as simply guiding or directing people.

However, perhaps the most broad, all-inclusive definition of leadership uses just a single word: influence.

If leadership is influence, then by that definition, we are all leaders to some degree. We all have the ability to influence those around us (and thanks to social media, we can influence those who aren’t around us too!).

There are positional leaders, those who lead people because of a particular role they have or because of a line item in their job description. While other people could be considered relational leaders, influencing people through their relationships without having a formal title or role of leadership.

Think about how you have the ability to influence your friends, your spouse, and your family, all because of your relationship with them.

As I was preparing for this post, I found a quote that both aptly and eloquently describes some of the intricacies of leadership:  “The authority by which the Christian leader leads is not power but love, not force but example, not coercion but reasoned persuasion. Leaders have power, but power is only safe in the hands of those who humble themselves to serve.” John Stott

What captures me about this quote is the emphasis on love, example, persuasion and humility in leadership. As we look at some biblical examples of leadership in the weeks ahead, we will see how these elements manifest themselves in their hearts and actions.

In my own life, I believe God has used leadership, far more than almost anything else, to humble me. Unfortunately, I’ve had to learn many lessons the hard way. We’ll talk more about that too in the coming weeks.

What about you? Have you learned some share-worthy lessons in leadership? I would love for you to share your thoughts as we continue the series. Let’s discover together how to be radiant as we lead in our everyday lives.

I hope you’ll join me again next week!

I was cleaning the sliding glass doors the other day and thinking about how the screen door doesn’t slide nicely. In fact, it’s so difficult to open and close that I have to yank on it, grit my teeth and grunt. Just thinking about it made me feel annoyed, especially after being at a friend’s house and effortlessly opening her smooth sliding screen door.

As I continued cleaning, I started thinking about how one side of the kitchen sink doesn’t drain well. That thought led to more and before I knew it, there were at least half a dozen things in the house that made me feel annoyed because they didn’t work properly.

Right at that moment, I began to wonder how many issues like that I have in my own heart or character.

Yes, God seems to speak to me when I’m cleaning. Maybe I should clean more often. Lol.

Most of the time, I don’t think about all of the things in my house that don’t work like they should. It’s usually when we have a guest over and they walk toward the sink that I quickly tell them to only use the one side that works.

I often then feel a little embarrassed, because my husband and I build and remodel homes for a living. It’s incredibly ironic, don’t you think? We, of all people, should take the time to make a “punch list” and invest in fixing the things that are broken.

However, just as I’ve grown accustomed to all the little annoyances around the house, I’ve also grown accustomed to some of the issues in my character.

Most of the time, I honestly don’t even think about them. They might come to the forefront of my mind when I witness a friend exhibit patience or some other equally valuable virtue with which I struggle.

It’s not about comparing my life to theirs, it’s more like a little twinge (i.e. reminder/nudge from the Holy Spirit) that I need to work on that area in my life.

Rick Warren helps put things into perspective when he says, “God’s ultimate goal for your life on earth is not comfort, but character development. He wants you to grow up spiritually and become like Christ.”

Even though I’m so comfortable in my flawed state, and my family and friends love me as I am, I know that’s not where God wants me to stay.

However, it’s just so easy to brush off or explain away our character flaws, isn’t it? Think of someone who says, “I’m stubborn. I’ve always been that way.” Instead of admitting that perhaps she needs to yield a little more, she writes off her stubbornness as a seemingly unchangeable aspect of her character.

In full disclosure, I may have said on more than one occasion, “I grew up as an only child…” which of course explains why I am the way I am.

So, instead of taking stock of my issues and intentionally investing in myself to be more like Jesus, I have just grown accustomed to how I am. Can you relate?

One example of a biblical woman with the kind of character I aspire to is Ruth. In the book of Ruth, chapter 3, we overhear a conversation between Boaz and Ruth on the threshing floor. Boaz says to her, “All the people of my town know that you are a woman of noble character.”

Wow! What an accolade! Not just a few people noticed Ruth’s character. It was the whole town. Everyone could see the kind of character Ruth had when she traveled with Naomi, her mother-in-law, to a new land and began gleaning the fields to help provide for her.

That’s the kind of character I’d like to cultivate — the selfless, loving, hard-working and dedicated kind.

Charles Spurgeon once said, “A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you when forget-me-nots have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble.”

The idea of carving our names on people’s hearts during this life is such a beautiful illustration of an outward manifestation of the inner character we are developing.

We might be striving to do great things for God in our lives. I know I want to love Him and serve Him to the best of my ability. However, as Henry Blackaby notes, “Nothing is more pathetic than having a small character in a big assignment. Many of us don’t want to give attention to our character, we just want the big assignment from God.”

Ouch. I confess that I have wanted the “big assignment from God,” without always counting the cost.

I feel like the majority of my character flaws are most visible when I’m at home, which means that’s perhaps a good place for me to be working on them. I deeply desire to be a “wife of noble character” as we read in Proverbs 12:4. “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”

Who wants to be like “decay” in her husband’s bones? That’s awful. No, I’m striving toward a noble character and I think it begins with identifying the specific areas that need attention.

Titus chapter 2 tells us that the grace of God teaches us, 1) to say “no” to ungodliness and worldly passions and, 2) to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives.

I believe that by putting that into practice on a daily, maybe even hourly, basis, I would be investing in those flawed areas of my character.

As I wiped away some of the spots on the sliding glass door so it would be clean enough to see my reflection, I pray God would wipe away some of my character issues so I would be clean and see His reflection.

Let us go and be radiant this week!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before I became a mom, I thought parents had the whole parenting thing figured out. And then I became a parent and realized just what a myth that was!

Being a stay-at-home-mom is by far the most difficult job I’ve ever had, and the most rewarding. While I love it, I also have moments (which really means days) where I struggle. It can feel really stressful trying to meet the needs of little ones who don’t have high emotional intelligence yet.

I thought perhaps others might struggle with parenting too, so I enlisted the help of an expert. His name is Dr. Ray E. Liles and he is a man near and dear to my heart.

Dr. Liles, LCSW has four college degrees including both a Master of Social Work (MSW) degree from USC and a Doctor of Social Welfare degree from UCLA.

He practiced psychotherapy with individuals, families, and groups for 40 years and taught classes related to human behavior and family issues for many years at both the undergraduate and graduate levels.

In addition, he has been a sought after consultant and conducted numerous well received workshops and trainings at local, state, national, and international conferences and has publications in his fields of interest. He is now retired.

Dr. Liles is married, the proud father of two sons and a daughter, and the proud grandfather of five thriving grandchildren.

Below is my interview with Dr. Liles, (I call him Dad).

Q:  In what ways do parents tend to feel like they are failing the most? What are some things parents can do to overcome those feelings of failure?

A:  “Parents usually feel they are failing when their children of any age are struggling. Overcoming those feelings of failure is based on resolving to try and continue to help your children while letting them grow and learn to cope. No parent needs to be the best or perfect parent but we can all try to be good enough.”

I so appreciate Dr. Lile’s encouragement that we don’t have to be the best parent or the perfect parent. I can be a little hard on myself when I do something that doesn’t make me feel like the parent I want to be.

One thing that helps me is remembering that God is the one who entrusted me to be the mom to my boys and therefore, I believe He thinks I’m the right one for the job. Maybe it’s about trying to be the best mom I can (with God’s help) and knowing that’s all I can do and that’s enough. I’m also incredibly grateful for my husband, who is a great Dad! I’m a better mom because of the Dad he is.

Q: What are a couple of tips for parents who are facing significant and ongoing behavioral challenges with their children?

A: “Don’t try to handle those things alone. Read, get some counseling, and, if at all possible, talk to other parents facing similar challenges. Share your successes and struggles and listen carefully to theirs.”

Q: How does parenting change as kids grow older? What advice do you have for parents who have small children now?

A: “Parenting small children is really a constant sense of joy and loss. The child of today is growing and developing and the child of yesterday is gone. Parents have to do the same. Today parent a little differently from yesterday and leave some things behind.”

I asked Dr. Liles to elaborate on his answer. This is how he responded:

“If you have a child who now can run, you slowly and incrementally let go of that child’s hands as he or she began to walk. All parenting is like that. A bit more complex later on but it’s still holding on when it’s needed and letting go when it’s not. Have faith in your child’s growth like somebody hopefully had faith in you.”

It’s rather bittersweet, isn’t it? We love holding on to our little one’s hand as they are learning to walk, but as we let them go, they can run. We love to see them thrive and flourish, while simultaneously missing watching them get to that place.

Q: When and how should a parent introduce the concept of money to their child?

A: “The concept of money can be introduced as soon as a child begins to count. Coins and dollar bills are a great way to help a child learn arithmetic. The value of money can begin to be learned when a child “trades” his or her coins for a little special treat.”

“Somewhat older children should be given the opportunity to earn money at home for chores above and beyond their normally required ones. When they later ask for something at the store (like candy or a small toy) the natural answer, said with a smile, is ‘do you have the money for that?'”

Dr. Liles goes on to say, “Learning the value of money is a developmental issue. Many adults, including me, are still trying to learn the value of money.”

I love the idea of a child “trading” his or her coins for a special treat. I had never thought about it like that before.

One thing we are doing with our almost 4-year-old is reading a series of book by Dave Ramsey. Check out the link here. They are cute stories with different concepts related to money, how it’s earned and how it can be stewarded.

We also use a piggy bank with three categories: Save, Spend, and Give. So whenever our little man receives coins, he can choose the category in which they go and begin to understand different ways to use money.

Q: How would you encourage a parent to find a good balance between making sure their child is safe and protected without overly hovering? (Freedom vs. control).

A: “The best way to balance freedom vs. control is to realize neither should be total. Parenting is providing teaching, guidance, and common sense safety. One guideline is to separate your own issues from your child’s.”

Dr. Liles goes on to say, “When I was about 13 some of my junior high school friends planned a parent supervised, beach trip and invited me to go along. My mother was adamantly, and I thought unreasonably, opposed to my going. So, I played a relatively unusual game of divide and conquer and talked to my dad who talked her into letting me go. Turned out she didn’t know how to swim. It was news to me. I had been swimming like a fish for years. it was her issue, not mine.”

“One summer later on, I went on a similar, parent supervised beach trip with mostly the same kids. I literally saved a classmate’s life when we were swept off the end of a jetty by a rogue wave. It turned out she couldn’t swim and so I just towed her to the nearest boat that had come to our aid.”

“A few years later I became a certified SCUBA diver and later a SCUBA instructor and even did some underwater photography. Not bad for a kid who’s mother didn’t want to let him go to the beach.”

“So, provide common sense safely while separating your issues from your child’s. Don’t deny your children the opportunity to occasionally fail on their own and you won’t deny them the opportunity to succeed on their own.”

What great advice! Sometimes I say “no” when my child wants to do something, thinking he’s going to fail. Instead, I should consider allowing it and he might just succeed!

Q: What are three things parents can do this week to have a better relationship with their kids or grandkids?

A: “1. Reach out this week lovingly and kindly and just let them know you are there. 2. Catch them doing something right and point out a strength. 3. Think of one way to let them or help them be who they are.”

If you are looking for resources, Dr. Liles recommends the website healthychildren.org.

I want to say a big Thank You to Dr. Liles for sharing his wisdom and insight with us. I have learned some really helpful nuggets to begin applying with my little guys.

All you other parents and grandparents out there, please share one piece of parenting wisdom you think we all could benefit from.

Let’s go be radiant in our parenting, grandparenting or whatever role we have with kids this week.

 

It’s insurmountable. There’s no way. How am I ever going to…fix it, fight it, get through it? Have you ever faced something like that? A situation you just thought was impossible? I have.

Maybe you, or someone you know, is in the midst of a seemingly insurmountable situation right now. You look at the mountain range of problems surrounding you and feel defeated before you even try to come up with a plan to climb.

Perhaps that’s a bit how Saul and the Israelites felt when they caught sight of a Philistine named Goliath. Goliath was “a champion,” a warrior from his youth who stood an intimidating 9 feet 9 inches. It would be entirely understandable then that Saul and his army were “dismayed and terrified” (1 Samuel 17:11). I would be too.

A few verses later, an unlikely hero named David enters the scene. David’s father, Jesse, asks him to take food to his brothers who are in the battle and see how they are doing. When David complies, he gets a glimpse of Goliath and yet, he seems to be undaunted by the giant.

While conversing with his brothers, David’s oldest brother gets upset with him and calls him conceited. He also accuses him of having a wicket heart. In verse 29, David says, “Now what have I done? Can’t I even speak?” If the situation weren’t so serious, I would find it a little amusing that this appears to be yet another instance where the poor little brother can’t do anything right in his older brother’s eyes.

In the next scene, Saul sends for David and David tells him that he will go and fight Goliath. Saul, however, is not so keen on the idea. In fact, Saul tells David he is not able to do that. After all, David is only a young man and Goliath is well…Goliath. (v. 31-33).

Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever offered to tackle a huge problem and been shut down immediately? It can be incredibly discouraging, especially when you KNOW you can do it.

David doesn’t let Saul’s response stop him. David goes on to make a case for why he can handle Goliath. He tells Saul that while shepherding and protecting sheep, he killed both the lion and the bear. He also credits the Lord for rescuing him from the vicious animals and says that He would do it again if David were to fight Goliath.

Saul finally relents and says to David, “Go, and the Lord be with you.”

In order to help David be as prepared and protected as possible, Saul gives him his armor. However, David wasn’t used to wearing it and it just wouldn’t work for him.

Has some well-intentioned person ever tried to give you tools that they thought would help you handle a problem, but they just weren’t what you needed? They just weren’t tools with which you were familiar and you knew they wouldn’t work.

David already had a plan and it was a simple one. He just needed his sling and a handful of smooth stones from the stream. Once he had the tools he was familiar with, he began to approach Goliath.

Goliath approached David and despised him. The tension was mounting.

What I love about what we read next is that David wasn’t just armed with his simple weapon. He was armed with something much more powerful.

“David said to the Philistine, ‘You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands…”. (v. 45)

The name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel. Now THAT is a weapon.

Sometimes, when tackling a huge situation, we try to use conventional tactics instead of spiritual ones. We have to remember that we might have tools or “weapons” we think will work but ultimately, we would be foolish to leave the Lord Almighty out of the situation.

The passage goes on to say, “…and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.” (v. 47). “All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves…”

There was a much bigger picture than just eliminating an enemy. God wanted people to know Him. He still wants that today.

What would it look like in our lives to allow the Lord Almighty to help us tackle a seemingly insurmountable situation? Sure, we could use the talents and tools (weapons) He’s given us, but like David, what if we also credited God for doing the saving? Would that give others a better view of God? Would it help them know Him?

Psalm 33:16 says, “No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength.” It is the Lord who delivers.

And that is exactly what He did. As Goliath moved closer to attack, David ran quickly to the battle line, took out a stone, slung it and struck Goliath.

It was an impossible situation. But nothing is impossible for God.

Are you facing a “Goliath” right now? Something impossible?

Don’t be discouraged by nay-sayers. Don’t let others tell you that you are too ______ (nice, young, fill in the blank) to handle it.

Be encouraged! Remember that it’s not about the sword or the spear. It’s not about your strength or the size of the problem. It’s about the Lord Almighty. Trust that it is He who delivers.

Are you ever surprised by who or what God uses to speak to you? I know I am.

One time, I took the day off of work and drove to the Huntington Library in Pasadena, CA. I wanted a solitude day — a little extra time with God.

I was sitting outside in a lush, grassy area, right in front of a little pond. My Bible and my journal were next to me. Suddenly a little humming bird fluttered in and hovered right in front of me over the water. Then, just as quickly as he flew in, he flew out. He did this about three times before I had a bit of a revelation.

As I thought about the brief little visits my new little friend was making, I had to ask myself if that’s how I had been interacting with God. Was I just fluttering quickly into His presence, saying a quick prayer at breakfast and then going about my day? Did I then thank Him for my lunch and leave His presence again? I felt like that’s exactly what I had been doing and He used a humming bird, of all things, to show me that.

Most recently, God has been using my children to speak to me.

My 3-year-old is going through a phase where he will ask me things repeatedly without giving me sufficient time to answer. (I am choosing to believe this is a phase and will not continue for years to come). Since becoming a mommy, my verbal response time has decreased dramatically. I’m sure it has nothing to do with age. Lol.

Finally, one day I said to him, “just because I don’t answer you right away doesn’t mean I didn’t hear you.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt like God was speaking them to me. What a good reminder that God always hears me, even if I feel like He’s taking too long to answer, and I need to be patient (just as I want my 3-year-old to be).

There was another time recently when my 3-year-old and I were playing with Mega Blocks, which are like big Legos, and he couldn’t find the specific block he was looking for. I tried to encourage him to find another one but he was dead set on finding the exact one he wanted.

He was starting to get upset and I could tell the meltdown was only moments away. In an effort to help, I said, “honey, you can be upset about what you don’t have or you can work with what you do have.” There were at least 100 other blocks he could have chosen. Immediately, I felt like God wanted me to hear those words, not just my 3-year-old.

“Suzie, you can be upset about what you don’t have right now, or you can use what I have already given you.”

I’ve been thinking about my kids more lately. Maybe because it’s summertime and I feel like we’re spending more time together, even though I’m a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) so I already spend quite a deal of time with them. It just seems like we’re doing more activities together right now because of the warm summer weather.

Being a SAHM is by far the most challenging job I’ve ever had. I’m grateful for the opportunity, but let’s just say it keeps me on my toes.

One of the ways I try to stay radiant while being a SAHM, and retain my sanity, is by coming up with fun activities for the kids to do.

We recently made water balloons part of our father’s day festivities and, weather permitting, it might just become a tradition. We filled up 20 of them at a time, (by the way, whoever invented the ones that you can fill up in mass numbers like that is a genius!) grabbed as many as we could hold and while laughing and giggling, ran around the backyard throwing them at one another. It was so much fun!

On nice days, we also like to go for a walk around the block or in the neighborhood. My three-year-old gets out his trusty spray bottle and I bring along a bubble wand. As we walk, I use the bubble wand to make bubbles which then become a target for my three-year-old to shoot at with his spray bottle. He twists the nozzle so that the spray is more of a stream. Then he yells and shouts with glee every time he pops a bubble.

Another thing that keeps my 3-year-old occupied is peeling hard boiled eggs. Who would have thought? He loves to sit at the table and peel the eggs and then after I rinse them, he’ll eat one. It’s a win-win. I don’t have to do it and he’s entertained for 20 minutes and he gets something healthy to eat. Maybe it’s a win-win-win!

One thing both of my kids have enjoyed playing with is the salad spinner. Who needs toys, right? I’ll set it on the floor and they’ll put in the brightly colored magnetic letters from the fridge and spin it around, watching all the colors blur together.

My littlest guy likes to take the salad spinner apart since it comes in three pieces. I think he’s a little engineer in the making.

I also just saw an idea where you can put a coffee filter in the bottom of the salad spinner and use a few drops of washable paint (not too thick) and then put the lid on and spin it around. You end up with a little piece of spin art you can hang up to dry. Though I haven’t tried it yet, I think it would be fun to do with the kids.

All of these things have kept my little guys entertained for virtually zero of the dollars since I already had them around the house.

I would love to hear about the activities you do with your little ones.

I would also love to hear the ways God tends to speak to you. Please share in the comments below.

I hope you are having a wonderful summer. Let us go be radiant this week!

“People don’t follow vision; they follow availability.” Bob Goff

Do you think that’s true? I wasn’t sure at first because in my experience, the vision of a company, an organization or even a church, has always been a really big deal. It is akin to DNA.

But what if availability is more valuable to some than vision? Is it more valuable to you?

Bob Goff goes on to say in his book, Everybody Always, “I don’t send people to voice mail anymore. Try it for a week. Loving people the way Jesus did means living a life filled with constant interruptions.” To really bring the point home, he then says, “Be excessively available, and you’ll be just like Jesus.”

Interruptions. That word creates inner turmoil for me. I’m a total people person…who is also very task-oriented. When I’m in the middle of a task, I want to have the ability to focus on it and finish it. When I’m with people, enjoying a conversation, I want to continue to chat, interruption free.

Years ago, I read somewhere that “interruptions are the ministry.” I’m thinking it might have been in a Henry Nowen book, but I’m not certain. When I read it, I immediately assented to it. I could be studying my Bible in preparation for a talk I’m going to give and think that’s the ministry, but if someone walks in the room and needs me, what’s the “ministry” at that point? Is my vision for my life or even my talk more important than my availability to that individual at that moment? I don’t think so.

Jesus understood the interruptions. The disciples however, well…they didn’t always have the same amount of understanding or compassion for that matter.

Remember the feeding of the 5,000 in Matthew 14? The disciples wanted Jesus to send the crowds away so that they could go buy food. But Jesus said to the disciples, “you give them something to eat.” Jesus wasn’t ready for the crowds to leave yet. There were still some things that needed to be taught, like His amazing miracle of provision.

On another occasion, Jesus was approached by a Canaanite woman who wanted Jesus’ help (Matthew 15). At first, Jesus didn’t say anything in response to her request. Some might say it was to test her faith because she persisted. In fact, she continued to cry out after him, so much so that the disciples begged Jesus to send her way. Based on the way they asked, it implies that they wanted her sent away with her request granted, but nonetheless, they wanted her away from them.

“They were moved not so much by pity as by dread of a sensation. There was far more sympathy (though hidden) in Christ’s heart than theirs.” (Westcott and Hort). It seems as though they just wanted her to stop nagging them. Ironically, Jesus commended her great faith and at other times pointed out their lack of faith.

Later, in Matthew 19, the disciples do it again. People are bringing their little children (possibly infants) to Jesus and the disciples rebuke them! In my mind, that’s the same as saying, “go away!” And yet, these people were seeking Jesus’ blessing for their children! How sad that the disciples didn’t recognize this “interruption” as the ministry.

Jesus made Himself available to these little ones because “the kingdom of heaven belongs to them.” He was available to them because they mattered. Because He cared. Because He loved them and the ones who brought them.

While I can sit here and point out the error of the disciples’ tendency to want to send people away, am I guilty of doing the same thing? Am I guilty of not recognizing the importance of the people around me or the attention they deserve?

I agree with Bob Goff. If I want to love people the way Jesus did, then I need to make myself more available. It’s not always or only about vision. Availability goes a long way in a relationship and speaks volumes when it comes to love.